Is life still life? Anyone fallen into a trance with the notion that progress of dreams have come to a halt? I think that personal issues or maybe mother nature saying, “uh-uh, I don’t think so,” and hitting the brakes on can sure be a spirit breaker. At the same time this tattered speed of entropy can also unify people and simplify an over-complicated and over-throttled wanna be equation, just waiting to hit the wall and to crash.
If no one has any idea what I am saying here then I have perfectly accomplished my goal. You and your life do not need to make sense to everyone under the sun, and your being here does not require an edited and on-the-clock manuscript, nor does it require that your personality is working for anyone, except for your self. Cryptic enough for you? Not remotely! Just wait until I get going!
I really want to say that if you are slowed down by some of life’s roadblocks, then remember that this is also life, the challenge to accept facts such as a serious amount of downtime as well as to overcome their adversity to your own plotted or anticipated goals. For the past few years I have made it a point to try to lose as many friends as I could just to see who was left over. Who needs to work that hard to impress people that will leave you while you are putting in overtime for them anyway?
I am saying that it is okay to take a break when times are rough, or it is okay to feel okay about taking these breaks and not to constantly line up for the kick you in the ass machine for each planned to actual goal that never happened, because of some ridiculous factor that was out of your control. Being slow is okay. Granted there are disadvantages to being slow, and at the same time you are always learning something that life is pitching at you. What are you supposed to be learning right now: a new paradigm, an attitude you must adopt for what’s coming, a new respect for others in the condition you face, and of all of these, what’s new? Maybe the lesson is how will you be less philosophical, sound less like a self-help manual, and to be more down to earth or experiential. This is too much thinking for me, really.
And don’t forget throughout the initial disappointment, because of unanticipated resistance, that you can always dream. I was just walking by the ice cream aisle thinking of how many calories I added to my body just by dreaming of how delicious its’ anchor-weighted treasures would be, even though I am in no condition to eat any of it. You can always dream. Is that the point of being WORN AND TORN? To be reborn? Maybe there is no point at all, and it is just a free for all. I will take it how it comes.
I’ve been wanting to produce music by recording what I already have written, but my efforts have plummeted to this halt where I can only romanticize with the concept that I may just be this passionate musician, but in another life that is parallel to this one. I’ve been dreaming of my would-be life as a writer or as a voice journalist, where in this very reality I consistently promise others a public display of my interviewing or dialogue exchanges, but in actuality you the public gets me taking care of your status-quo errands while dealing with the f-word: facts.
Of course there is the argument that these dreams and other untapped ones are still in my heart, that this and other sparks are still young and full to the brim with possibilities, because this and those still burn for these dreams. But I’m not sure if I see these anymore. I see the bridges of dialogue and the reminiscing of days past on repeat, I experience the patience I try to have when allowing the other person to finish his, her, or individual’s story as well as allowing other persons to start another one, before I forcibly, mechanically, or blindly start my own. And to squeeze out that story seemingly on my behalf before the day piles up, but then I feel the dagger of humility grind into me, my whole screaming and crying being that just wants to collect its REAL PAYCHECK, the one that got lost in the mail, but has to settle for another session of sleep and repeat, where skipping does not mean what you think.
No, being slow is an okay and natural thing, at least due to the effects of the causes, the rooted manmade causes that can hinder the momentarily disenfranchised. Though emotion and energy in general always lives and then dust never sleeps; how can it be so persistent yet so unnoticed or given such a low credit by the populous? Perhaps dust and emotion require your attention for a change; maybe they have your unpaid parking tickets that need a payment from you. I am not here to state answers, nor am I here to accumulate and summarize a narrowed research base of seemingly relevant facts. I am just here to say I am here. I made it another day; clearly enough this is a goal accomplished, even though it seems unworthy, because the so-called world that is outside of this world raises such a bar of ridiculousness.
It could be the time for you to call somebody out, call out their inaction or misdeeds, identify the distrust in a relationship, identify the lack of tolerance or even lack of movement in a relationship, signal S.O.S. to all of the friends that say they claim or claimed you at one point. It could be time, and I think you know what I’m saying. Don’t get into a fistfight or anything obviously, but when times are at a crawl then so might be the conversational pace and how people react to one another. To rest and to be exactly the way you are should be okay.
Your day should not be a whipping post about yesterday or about anything really. Your emotion is real; your visitors are real; the sounds and the senses you experience are real; and your feet are firmly planted, yes, firmly planted on the very, and I mean, exact same path that you began your very life on… you are still on the reference, on the road, on the same exact road that leads you to you. You are wholly connected, whether you realize this or not. Whoa. Yeah. I being slow may not play with catchy realizations, but I do collect a thing or two in whatever scattered way that I can. I am not the person I thought I would be yesterday as slow as I may be, but no matter what today I was still man.