When nothing happens, quite a bit passes you by, because everything is happening and — oh yeah I forgot, ear plugs and gun muffles. Okay, now I can write a bit better.
My goal for this blog is continuity of relevancy. That is a bit to stomach… hmm, I mean to continue to make sense to the senses for the people I used to share quite a bit more sense with, such as the sense of touch, taste, hearing, sight, smell, and I hear that the sense of hunger is a sense too. I am sure there are other ones, but I have been incredibly disconnected from many of them from many of my friends and family. I have gotten out and enjoyed the company of friends that have the on-going competency (the will and the ability) to have me and enjoyed some neat events, from a distance though.
Home is a funny word. One minute it is where your Christmas tree or your birthday cake is with candles that sparkle your name or your age; and the next it is a bungalow where all of your new-found friends and acquaintances can converge upon to feast and toast what you THINK are your successes; and then the next is some corner of somebody’s house that you were lucky enough to FIT as many belongings that you can take with you in the pinch that was to try to move toward a more stable place, because of a life changing condition that sends you into a barrel roll. I don’t care (I do care) that the previous sentence is a very long, convoluted, and bewildering one. Home. If you say it each time maybe you think of the place you are in right now, that it could never ever change, that you will always be there wrapped in its’ cozy enclave.
And then the signs all over the place that I never paid as much attention to for a while that say, “NOW HIRING”. How does a sign know that a business is hiring? I think the appropriate term should say, “NOW ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS,” because if the sign advertises that it is hiring then that should mean I should get hired as soon as I step into that door. I am pretty frustrated with the nature of businesses that they cannot give a straight answer about whether or not I add value to the company or not. I remember one time a temp to perm friend of mine — yeah, impersonal context, but that’s where we met was at a job — made the direct question toward the hiring manager: do I add value to this company? I don’t feel as if I should need to put a company on the spot like that; I prefer to move onto a more natural and melifluous design that skips the part about DIVERTING AWAY FROM THE TOPIC OF HIRING, or DISMISSING MY CONCERNS ABOUT NEEDING A PLACE OF MY OWN INSTEAD OF BEING HOMELESS. Now, maybe you can see a shimmer of my point, and maybe not. I have lost quite a bit of hope in the willful responsiveness of humanity, that maybe I am stuck on some slow ride at an amusement park that I am buckled into and cannot get out of, and every day on this ride, I see people that may not have my best interest in mind, the minutes and the seconds passing by slower and slower, yet faster and faster, and this tug of war in between my heart, genuine and true desires that are devoid of any future outlook.
I am beyond incredibly frustrated, because I am a very capable professional that has great self training and accumulated training in matters I think I can help others with to really aid society, such as I have a fully setup DAW (digital audio workstation) that is pretty much in pieces packed up in a closet now, I’ve ran a web site for years now that I’ve paid for and have a GREAT selection of contacts (AND a first-in-first-out okay to interview list) to begin work. I still feel I have a golden voice that can stand out, excellently designed themes for my work as a dialogist, I guess journalist, and storyteller. And this frustration stems from the fact that some people just did not want me to succeed and wanted me to go to the streets instead of allowing me to get my life together. I am tired of keeping quiet about that fact, that those closest to you can take the most advantage of you, and those people feel they can get away with it or that you would not take it personally, or not strongly weight their action or inaction against future engagements.
Daily I continue to help others, and not to gain nor to claim any credit for this assistance I have provided — even though what would be GREAT would be a PLACE OF MY OWN to live in where there is 1 KEY for me and that is IT, and enough money to pay the overhead bills and to SAVE to INVEST in my personal and professional future. I would probably be doing the things most guys my demographic do, if things were right, which would be to go out on dates more frequently, visit my family on a responsible schedule, and do many things more responsibly. Yeah that is the word: responsibility, or maybe accountability. But there is that big nothing again, the huge void I need to fill, because of the nothing that was transacted from all of my hard work and persistence. Years ago I used to just be able to WORK hard, translate that into personal savings, and then to invest that money into my next venture.
But now, after many SO-CALLED and misrepresenting institutions have wrecked my life and thrown me under so many trucks, I have to do more than work, more than have 9% of each of my paychecks GARNISHED, more than try to explain how what I should have done was learn something VALUABLE for this so-called education, but something of practical use that would PAY for itself, responsibly, and well, now life is complicated because the tentacles of their big nothing, their [the boat anchor institution… I personally named it, because the effect is like carrying the load of a boat anchor, and never reaching your destination, if you were a boat] lie, but my life taking the heat.
I am done writing right now. For the record I have a clear mind about life and am as persistent and content as I ever was, so if you would hear of any bad news with my name in it, it would not be my fault; my goal was to continue to be relevant and to make sense, and someone else twisted the guts of my finance and status-quo image into a deeper, more grotesque, and frighteningly more unpleasant mold, to drive my people further and further away from me. Do you still remember me? Do I still matter? Can anyone help me to matter again?
I have provided the instructions in their entirety, if only someone would begin with step one. Thanks for reading; don’t forget to right.
by Jeremy M. Dinovo a.k.a. THE Mr. Variety of the entire internet at large
program director for dustybootsworth.com
Now accepting: good company, long-term, and continuing to accept beverages and things to eat in exchange for anything reasonable or useful that I can continue to offer. It is a long story: that is the short version.
I AM SURE FRIENDS AND RANDOM PASSERSBY TO THIS AND THESE ARTICLES ARE GROWING MORE AND MORE DISPLEASED AND TURNED OFF ABOUT MY INTEREST TO STEW IN MY FRUSTRATIONS.
WELL, GET OVER YOURSELF AND OPEN YOUR EYES TO WHAT IS HAPPENING TO GOOD MEN AND TO GOOD WOMEN. LOOK AT WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND AT WHAT YOU ARE NOT DOING; MAYBE YOU ARE THE CAUSE.